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Doctor Simon

Oh, girls, we know exactly what ails you. What you need is Doctor Simon! Bare it all for our dashing hero and let him kiss your troubles away!


Syndromes and Symptoms:

  • Do you ever find yourself staring helplessly at pictures of Simon? You may suffer from S.I.T. - Simon Induced Trance. Other symptoms include, but are not limited to, removal of clothing, drooling, and excessive masturbation.

  • If you find yourself struggling to keep up with Simon's many television appearances and print interviews, you may have fallen into an EVoSM - Evil Vortex of Simon Mania. Other symptoms include, but are not limited to, paranoia that you have missed something, hoarding of video tapes and driving more than thirty miles from your home to find a copy of the right issue of OK! Magazine.

  • Or, perhaps, you find yourself driven into a rage at the mere thought of (GASP!) another woman in Simon's arms! Do you giggle long into the night with your other adult friends discussing how Simon almost sprayed Coca-Cola out of his nose in AI2, Episode 3? If so, then be on the lookout for SITRS - Simon Induced Teenage Regression Syndrome. Other symptoms include, but are not limited to, a tendency to wear ponytails, skipping work to watch the AI DVD (aka Simon Porn) and creating a website dedicated to your hero. Oh, wait....

So, What's the Cure?

SIMONOL - Take two, cuddle up with Doctor Simon and the rest of the world can go to hell!

Doctor Simon comes with the following accessories:

  • White Lab Coat

  • Blue Scrubs

  • Stethoscope

  • Cell Phone - reach him anytime, day or night!

  • One Year Supply of SIMONOL

Romeo Simon

FIRST TIME AVAILABLE! A SPECIAL figure designed specifically for our staff is now available to the public!

Romeo Simon comes dressed in a black Armani suit and white dress shirt, but also included a pair of white flannel pajama pants for casual lounging.

Other Accessories Include:

  • Juliet Doll (wearing Chanel gown; also includes black t-shirt from LA Simon collection and little white cotton panties for casual wear)

  • Dream Balcony (VERY tragic and romantic!!)

  • Scrabble Board Game

  • Metropolitan Opera Season Tickets

  • Reading Glasses

  • Comprehensive Frank Sinatra CD Collection

  • Philosophy's Kiss Me Lip Balm

Postmaster Simon

Postmaster Simon has a package for you!

Special deliveries and overnight service are his forte and he's guaranteed to ring your bell - come rain or shine!

Postmaster Simon's mailbag includes:

  • One package Trojan Condoms

What else do you need?

Construction Simon

How much would YOU pay to see the luscious Simon Cowell in nothing but faded blue jeans and a pair of work boots, sweat-soaked and dirty from a hard day's labor? We think it's PRICELESS! You certainly won't need an erector set for hours of fun with your very own Construction Simon!

Accessories include:

  • Kools
  • One package Trojan condoms
  • Hard Hat
  • Removable black t-shirt
  • Cell phone
  • Tool belt (who cares if he builds anything - that belt is heavy for the sole purpose of dragging down his jeans! YUMMY!)

Please specify with or without chest hair when ordering.